warble_on_jeff: (Put together)
warble_on_jeff ([personal profile] warble_on_jeff) wrote in [community profile] gleesanatomy2012-08-09 12:54 am

"Do I remind you of somewhere you wanna be, so far out of reach?"

Who? Nick Matheson and Jeff Hinton (with Rory Matheson)
What? "Oh, I wish you'd open up for me, cause I wanna know you..."
When? Late Sunday night
Where? Nick and Rory's apartment

It had been a hell of a long shift for Jeff. One of those stupid nights when everything that could go wrong did, short of, thank God, losing a patient. He'd been about to shower and change when his pager had buzzed. They were shorthanded in the OR on an emergency surgery, and they needed him to come help out. Jeff figured he had nothing better to do, other than go home and sleep, so he headed right back into surgery to lend a hand.

What he hadn't anticipated was the doctor running into complications, though he wasn't sure why. Surgeries always seemed to go off without a hitch in the middle of his shift, and then hit every complication in the book when it was time for him to leave. The patient had made it, though, and Jeff had quickly caught a shower and changed, fully intending to go home and sleep for a day and a half or something, since he was about to start his off days. But when he decided to check Facebook before walking out the door to his car, Jeff noticed the post from Nick, timestamped only a few minutes earlier. He wasn't sure why, but he'd somehow ended up planning to head over to Nick's, and it was probably for the best, given that Nick's place was closer to the hospital than his own, and he was fucking exhausted.

He followed his GPS's directions to the apartment complex where Nick lived, and parked his silver Civic, climbing out of the car and walking toward Nick's building. He couldn't deny that it was nice to have his former best friend so close again. He found himself really hoping that he and Nick would have a chance to rebuild what they'd lost over the years, and work things out again. No matter how good things were, Jeff couldn't deny that it had always felt like a piece of him was missing without Nick in his life for the past several years. Maybe this would finally be his chance to regain that.

When he got to Nick's door, he could hear his friend's son through the door, obviously feeling quite miserable. Jeff felt for the kid, and for his dad, and he hoped like hell it didn't make anything worse when he knocked gently. "Nicky, it's me," he called out through the door, hoping he wasn't being too loud.
nickthewarbler: (Calm (Watching))

[personal profile] nickthewarbler 2012-08-09 04:58 am (UTC)(link)
Nick was completely and utterly stuff. It was one of those times in single fatherhood that he wanted to just put Rory into his cot, find a dark corner and sit there and cry too. Working full time to make ends meet and still raising a toddler on your own took it's toll and even though Nick never would directly respond to Rory's distress or upset in a negative way, still always the doting and attention daddy, it did get beyond hard sometimes... and do damn lonely.

He only just heard the knock over Rory's miserable sobbing, followed by Jeff calling out to him. He was sitting on the sofa blindly staring at the TV with the tiny boy nursed in his lap, the shoulder of his t-shirt covered in wet snotty and teary smears. Rory's little cheeks were bright red and he kept rubbing at his ear, which was obviously sore too. Nick hoisted him up onto his hip and then tiredly shuffled through the apartment to get the door. Rory's cries had stopped being painful wailing and more just quiet sobbing into Nick's neck. When Nick opened the door, though, and Rory realised something different was going on here, his big brown tear-filled eyes turned to Jeff to scope out the stranger he had never seen before, but his lips just kept wobbling with a steady stream of tears spilling down his cheeks. "Hey, dude," Nick greeted Jeff and took a couple of tissues from his pocket to wipe Rory's runny nose. "Are you sure you really want to be here right now?"
nickthewarbler: (Leaning (Side))

[personal profile] nickthewarbler 2012-08-09 05:04 am (UTC)(link)
Rory buried his face in against Nick's shoulder but it was only for a moment and probably just to use Nick as a tissues before he was back to looking at Jeff and sizing him up. It wasn't like Nick made a habit of having visitors. "Sorry, I promise he will like you. He's just not used to people coming around. In fact, Blaine's probably about the only dude on the regular, and he's Rory's godfather, so he has him all the time when his roster allows. Not lately, though, for obvious reasons. And just when you feel like they should have all their teeth and it feels like you have gone through this a billion and half times, it happens again and it's always hit him pretty hard. Doesn't it, lil buddy," he murmured, dropping a kiss to Rory's little head.

"But come in. Jesus, are you a sucker for punishment?" He closed the door behind Jeff and led him into the apartment. And it was actually surprisingly neat this time with Rory not feeling well enough to throw his toys all over the place. Then he just have to give a laugh of disbelief. "No, really, dude, why aren't you heading home to bed? If he starts crying again, he could go for hours. It's... fatherhood is epically amazing, but it can also be epically exhausting. Especially trying to do it alone. Sometimes, I don't know whether I'm coming or going."
nickthewarbler: (Tongue (Amused))

[personal profile] nickthewarbler 2012-08-09 05:09 am (UTC)(link)
In a way, Jeff was completely and utterly relieved that Rory ended up looking mostly like him than his mother. He wasn't sure how he would have coped after how epically she fucked him over to look at their child and just see her staring back at him. Rory was in every way a Matheson. He had Nick's dark colouring, his eyes, nose, and stature. He was only a little kid and people often mistook him for younger than two, and got the surprise of their life when he walked around freely and talked in his little toddler speak. He was forming more words now and Nick knew toilet training would be on the horizon soon, but when he was feeling miserable with his teething, he became clingy and quiet. "Yeah, he's the best thing I ever did, bar nothing. Everything else has fallen way on the importance ladder for him, but I don't mind. I love being a dad. There is nothing else in the world that matches that feeling. Even if I do look like a walking zombie sometimes when I get no sleep or he's having a Terrible Twos period, or he's sick, I'm sick... that's when you start wishing you had more than two hands and maybe five to ten more hours in the day."

Rory was whimpering again and probably borderline about to start wailing again, so Nick got him back into the living room and planted himself on the couch so he could nurse his son to his chest warmly and securely. "Lucky you, dude. I'm just at the start of my new rotation. Today was the first day in." He patted Rory's back softly. "He doesn't have much of a choice. Poor kid probably feels like he drew the short straw with me some days. God, in the early days when my ex walked out and left her, I don't even know how I did it. Talk about being thrown in the deep end. I packed him up to Florida to stay with my folks for a couple of weeks and Mom helped me find my feet with anything. I really honestly have no idea how I did it. The whole thing sort of turned me epically off relationships for awhile. At least, het ones. I haven't had time to date since, and even then, single fathers with a toddler aren't all that appealing."
nickthewarbler: (Car (Serious))

[personal profile] nickthewarbler 2012-08-09 05:13 am (UTC)(link)
Nick brushed his fingers through his little boy's thick hair and nodded. "I like to think I'm a good dad. Most of the time, it's just him and me, so I'm all he really knows. I mean, my family help out if they're in town, and Blaine's a huge help, but mostly it's just us and I think I've done a pretty good job with him. It's... I never thought my life would go this way, you know? I always thought I would be in love and happily married before any babies came along. I never thought I'd end up getting cheated on or that a mother could just walk out on their own kid. It's been really, really eye-opening... to say the least. No matter how tough things feel, you have to just keep it together for them because they rely on you for everything. But shit, it's tough if I ever get sick. Some days, I feel like just packing up and going home to Florida, but the job here is amazing and the pay is excellent."

He just laughed a little, until he paused and realised Jeff was actually serious. His eyebrows shot up and he gaped at his old friend for a moment. "Are you serious? You're just offering up babysitting services when we've hardly seen each other in years? Are you sure? Dude, you don't have to do that. You probably work hellish hours too, and seriously, taking care of a toddler is exhausting. But, um, I mean... you could hold him if you wanted, but he'll probably snot all over you. Everything seems to leak ten-fold when he's teething. More snot, more drool, more pee. And no... they're really not all on it. He might look cute to coo at in the supermarket, but when push comes to shove, I don't have much room for a social life and people dating sort of want to be a priority, you know?"
nickthewarbler: (Calm (Watching))

[personal profile] nickthewarbler 2012-08-09 05:17 am (UTC)(link)
Nick rubbed his little boy's back soothingly but couldn't help it when a sigh escaped. "Some days, I wonder. I really do. No matter how much you try to keep on top of it, some days when you're a single parent, it can just all get too much. I don't like to rely on other people too much because they're not always available. I try to do as much on my own as I can, no matter how exhausting it is. If I get sick, though, it can be beyond tough. It's a constant awareness of everything around me to try and not get sick, or to keep my head above board with my hours, and slotting everything in so Rory has everything he needs, which always comes before what I need. Without a doubt. That's what being a parent is. When you're expecting a baby, it's easy to get swept up in the romance of it all with all the cute little baby notions, but really, it's just plain hard. Especially alone. I try not to let the loneliness bother me, but it does. Of course it does. We're human. Shit like that bothers us."

He carefully shifted Rory from his arms over to Jeff's lap, but kept his hands around Rory's waist for a moment in case his son was going to scream the place down at the new location he was abruptly finding himself in. He wasn't always good with people he didn't know, and it could probably go either way. He watched closely, but even though he was clearly feeling miserable, Rory just proceeded to sit there on Jeff's lap and stare him out. His big brown eyes looked over Jeff's face but his little nasally snuffly breaths were pretty even, so he wasn't panicking. He was just sizing Jeff up, and then there was a glance at his daddy before he was right back looking at Jeff, probably wondering who the hell he was. But Rory's little pudgy hands closed over Jeff's wrists to hold onto him. He didn't look like he was about to loudly protest right off the bat... which was a good thing. "I'm not really the same person anymore. I mean, I guess I am deep down, but maybe it's just drowned out in trying to cope with fatherhood and work? All work and no play, all that sort of thing. At least in school, we had fun. Not so much of that anymore, unless I'm doing something fun with Rory. And even then, full-on daddy mode to make sure he's okay and safe. It's neverending."
nickthewarbler: (Arms crossed (Sepia))

[personal profile] nickthewarbler 2012-08-13 01:21 pm (UTC)(link)
"I had to hire a nanny. She's only here when I work, it's not like I pay her to raise him. She has him three of my four twelve hour shifts, and his grandparents have him the other day because I couldn't afford it otherwise. His mother's parents. She skipped town and went to the west coast, and I haven't spoken to her since but they still wanted to be part of his life. They're happy to do it. They even offered to take him two days recently, and honestly, I'm tempted to save a bit of cash. Things are tight, I can't even deny that. Being a single parent isn't easy. Being a single working parent to make ends meet is even harder. It's really not how I envisaged life turning out, but it works. I just get very, very tired sometimes and yeah, my health occasionally takes a dive. It gets really lonely... he's a toddler, he can't converse. A lot of the time, it's just me and him. It's lonely," Nick had to confess, even if his pride was trying to make light of it.

After a little bit, Rory shoved his teething ring into his mouth and started to chew and suck on it as he sat there with Jeff, content for the moment to be sat there. "Yeah, I'd like that. Have you caught up much with Blaine? Poor dude was seriously sick. He scared the shit out of us. I don't drink anymore. It's another thing I sort of shelved when I became a dad. I can't come stumbling home drunk in case he needs me. But I really do appreciate your offer. Of course, when push comes to shove, pride might be prevent me calling in your service," he said with a wry smile.
nickthewarbler: (Amused (Look down))

[personal profile] nickthewarbler 2012-08-23 11:50 am (UTC)(link)
Nick reached over and stroke his fingers through his son's thick hair and watched as he seemed content to being with Jeff. It was surreal for Nick to watch... beyond that even and a tiny frown of awe appeared on his forehead. After he moment, he gave a bit of a laugh with a shake of his head. "Sorry, he just doesn't usually take very easily to people he doesn't know. He'll usually be trying to scream the place down by now. Of course, I don't generally have people over here that he doesn't know, like... ever, so maybe he's just assuming that because you are here, it's all good," he contemplated, yet still confused over the whole thing as Rory just continued to sit there and watch Jeff's face. Right before his little hand reached up to soft grab for Jeff's cheek.

"It still all blows my mind. Kurt just reacted and gave Blaine CPR, didn't even get a protective mask. I should have realised that was something right there, but I didn't. Turns out, Blaine was well crushing on Kurt. You've met Kurt right? He's not long back from New York. He was working there for a year. Anyway, Blaine asked Kurt on a date, then took it back, and now he apparently wants to take back the taking back. Someone needs to give him a serious slap to knock some sense into him, because Kurt's goddamn gorgeous. And now, just when no one can actually keep up with what is going on with either of them, Blaine's staying at Kurt while he recuperates." He shook his head in amusement. "But what about you? How come there isn't a special guy or girl in your life?"
nickthewarbler: (Cool (Talk))

[personal profile] nickthewarbler 2012-09-16 12:04 pm (UTC)(link)
"Maybe he does..." Nick agreed quietly, forehead creasing just a little as he contemplated that. Part of the reason he never dated was because it really scared him to think how Rory would take to any dates. If he didn't like the person, that would basically be the end of the entire proceedings. It would also be the same if the person didn't like Rory. In fact, Nick would cut that shit off quicker than any date could say 'Let's have lunch'. Rory was the most important thing in Nick's life and that would never, ever change. It wasn't how he ever planned on having a family and when he had envisaged having a family of his own when he was younger, he was happily married and in a healthy relationship. It was all him, he was a solo daddy act and he was proud of the job he had done, but he had always been reluctant to let anyone he wasn't already close with into their little bubble.

He nodded. "Right. I forgot you worked in surgical. You would work with him. It blows my mind to know he's hooking up with Blaine. Blaine's always sabotaged any sure thing he had. He rarely gets laid and he's a workaholic. I can think of at least ten dudes who would have killed for a date with Blaine, but he was oblivious. Then all of a sudden, he's crushing hard on Kurt, so I guess he has a type. They never knew each other before, because Kurt was in New York, and then Blaine was in Africa. Even before that, Kurt was dating Andrew. I don't know if you've met him. Blonde hottie, ER doc. Really nice guy, but he and Kurt didn't make it. Maybe you can ask him out on a date?" he joked with a laugh... and then had no idea why that sat wrong in his gut after he said it. "I'm just kidding. Andrew's actually going through hell right now. He had a needlestick injury. There's always Mike. He swings both ways."
nickthewarbler: (Grin (Purple))

[personal profile] nickthewarbler 2012-09-18 04:23 pm (UTC)(link)
Nick just gave a soft laugh with a shake of his head. He pressed his lips together and let his head hang forward for a moment as he basked in the moment of nostalgia. "Some days, I still can't even believe it. I wanted him, you know? He was a surprise, but he was never a bad one. I was engaged to his mom, it was all going to be amazing in my head. I thought I was happy. But it was all farce when it came out that she was cheating on me. I was even scared he wasn't mine on and off during the pregnancy, even if she was adamant the bastard she was sleeping with had a vasectomy, I just couldn't trust a single damn word out of her mouth after that. But when he got here, there was no doubt he was mine. He was mine, and then suddenly she was skipping out to be with him and didn't want anything to do with him. It was a real shock to the system, but when you have a kid, it's like you start thinking with this entire piece of your brain you never even knew existed. Everything is different."

"That's a good thing, because you fuck around in Kurt's OR, he will stab you with a scalpel," he laughed. It was an exaggeration, but he knew Kurt did run a tight ship on his nurses in the actual surgeries. He was a sweetheart with an amazing bedside manner, but the surgeries he was overseeing were serious business. "You would really turn down a relationship on a blonde dude? Seriously? And Mike's a great guy. One of the best I know. I don't suggest going after Kurt or Blaine. They both might lock you in the morgue and throw away the key. And who said anything about serious dating? There's no reason for you to be celibate, is there?"
nickthewarbler: (Arms crossed (Sepia))

[personal profile] nickthewarbler 2012-10-08 10:45 am (UTC)(link)
Nick just nodded slowly, watching his son with a mix of deep thought and probably even a little bit of nostalgia for the old days in school where everything was so simple and easy. "Yeah, I see it too. Usually the first point of call. I've seen some kids really messed up from child abuse or neglect. By the time they're hitting a medic chopper, it's hardcore serious business. Being a father, it's cases like that it's really hard to switch yourself off from and stay neutral. Your mind always started to put your own child in the position. Some days, work is exhausting. But I just keep going on because I need to make sure he has everything he needs and doesn't want for anything. I'd never forgive myself if he had to go without. If that means sacrificing stuff I need, then so be it. That's parenthood. When you're going it alone, it's basically everything doubled."

He smirked. "Rumour has it that the New York hospital he went to work with her trying to poach him permanently, and Kurt's always had New York dreams. Apparently they were completely shelved when all this stuff with Blaine went down and now everyone is assuming he turned the job down because of Blaine. Seriously, this place is forever rife with gossip. Kurt's just one of those guys. All the gay guys want him, all the straight chicks want to marry him if he was straight, and all the straight guys have no idea what the hell he has that makes him so appealing. And I really kind of hope things heat up there with him and Blaine when the dust settles because Blaine seriously needs it. He hasn't had a relationship in ages and he gets so uptight and work-oriented. If you're careful, you might turn into Blaine 2.0 yourself. It can't be all work and no play, can it? Just don't get to the point you're turning down an amazingly sure and healthy thing because you think you're too busy with work."
nickthewarbler: (With Jeff (Love))

[personal profile] nickthewarbler 2012-10-27 11:02 am (UTC)(link)
The thing about kids was that they functioned on their own agenda, and it was right at that point that Rory went from being pretty content to bursting into tears. It wasn't an uncommon thing for him right now, considering he was teething and miserable. He had done quite well to stay as quiet as he had been this long, but to go from content to this that quickly, it was probably a diaper change that was needed. If it was his teeth, he usually worked up the tears with some grizzling and wriggling around first, or rubbing his face in against Nick's shoulder when his mouth was sore. "I'll be right back," he told Jeff apologetically and scooped his son into his arms, cradling him close. He didn't want to freak Jeff out having to put up with a bawling toddler, and he took Rory through to his room so he could change his diaper. He only realised Jeff had followed and was standing in the doorway watching when Rory was turning his head to the door and reaching his little hand out in Jeff's direction. Nick looked back as he was wrapping the wet diaper up to toss away and he had to laugh softly. "I almost forgot about your ADHD. Too long to sit still, huh?" he teased.

He had one hand on Rory's bare belly as he expertly got to changing the diaper. He was well-versed in how wriggly the little boy could be. He had learned the one-handed thing early on. "The first kid I ever lost was a three year old from a drunk drive crash. The seatbelt wasn't on properly. The poor thing had no hope of surviving. She was a mess. I'll tell you, though, it makes me triple-check Rory's seatbelts every time I put him in the car." He had to smirk, though, when his mind jumped back to the rest of their conversation. "Kurt's a total package. A lot of the gay guys have wanted a piece of that, though they're pretty sure Kurt's either extremely choosy or has a type. We just don't really know what that type is. He was with Andrew for quite awhile, but now Blaine... and Andrew and Blaine have clashed like crazy. I guess it's a pissing contest, on some level. So, you want something special. You have to start that somewhere, though. How will you kick anything serious off if you don't at least set the wheels in motion?"
nickthewarbler: (With Jeff (Smile))

[personal profile] nickthewarbler 2012-11-11 08:11 am (UTC)(link)
Nick just smiled at Jeff's response. Honestly, he didn't mind in the slightest that Jeff had followed him so they could keep talking. It was nice to have company that wasn't a two year old who was only just started to string words together, and not even words that made much sense yet. Nick didn't have much of a social life. Blaine was probably the person he interacted with most, and Blaine had been away in Africa for months so Nick had been quite lonely. He adored his son, unconditionally and beyond the realm of his comprehension, but he couldn't deny that he missed adult interaction on the regular. When he was alone at night after Rory was in bed, Nick found himself wishing he had someone to spend time with, to snuggle up with, to cuddle, to kiss, to make love to. That was pretty much an impossibility as a single dad who worked ridiculous hours, though, so he would happily settle for just more interaction with friends. And the big teller here was that Rory seemed to like Jeff, and wasn't shying away from him. Rory didn't trust easily, so it was a special thing for Nick to have his son's approval of who he would be spending time with.

He finished with the diaper and dressed Rory again, and then sat him up on the change table so he could get his bearings for a few moments. Nick feathered his fingertips through Rory's hair to comb it back down again. "You can't ever really separate from it. Especially when you have one of your own, you put yourself in the parent's shoes. It just makes you grateful for all the things you do have, rather than moping about the things you don't. I guess it's why I've resigned myself to the single life without much grief. I mean, it's not fair to expect anyone to just be saddled with a toddler. As much as I wish I could promise otherwise, Rory can interfere with private and intimate times. He might be sick or upset or restless, and I can't just leave him because I want to get laid." He picked Rory up and set him on his hip so he could carry him back through to the living room. This time, he put the toddler down on the floor so he could play with his toys. "Kurt won't settle. I admire that about him. He'd rather be single and fabulous than be with someone who doesn't fit him. Most people just settle. I think Andrew and Kurt know they're not suited together anymore, but they're still close friends. They still look out for each other, maybe a bit of protectiveness there that whoever is next needs to be right for them. It's nice. Just, Andrew thinks Blaine is a dick. At least, he did before he got sick. Things might have changed now. It's not healthy to just work all the time, you know. You need other things to balance or you'll end up miserable."
nickthewarbler: (Amused (Look down))

[personal profile] nickthewarbler 2012-12-09 02:22 pm (UTC)(link)
Once Nick was sitting again, he rested his elbows on his knees, leaning close to Rory while he settled with his toys. He may or may not hold an interest in them right now, and Nick hoped he did for a little while because he was feeling tired. He wouldn't be able to go to sleep until Rory settled and crashed out though, so it could be a long night yet. It wasn't a foreign thing for Nick to function on very little sleep when Rory was sick or just not settling in general. Again, it was another of those single parent things that could really bite and emphasise how lonely it could be sometimes. "Honestly, it's not so much me or how a potential romantic interest views me. It's that if I got too invested in it and Rory got invested too, and then it failed. Where does that leave him? He gets attached to someone, gets some sort of routine with someone and then it's over because they realise it's really hard work to date a single father who works crazy hours and we're left right back at square one. But not just square one, a square one where our entire routine is thrown out and life just gets even harder all over again. And even more lonely because I got used to something for a little while then suddenly, on my lonesome again. That's the hardest part really. It's not taking care of my son, because he's everything to me. It's being lonely and not having a special connection with someone. Not having someone to lean on or be comforted by. Hell, even when I get sick? I've still got to mostly go everything alone. Hooking up scares me because there's no guarantee it will work out and I don't want that to impact on Rory. In that sense, part of me feels selfish for even wanting it."

"I'm happy for my friends, and I hope it works out for them, I really do. I'm rooting for Blaine and Kurt because I know how lonely Blaine gets. He's a workaholic but he also has a lot of love to give. I think in a relationship, he'd thrive. I can live vicariously through him," he joked with a small, someone sad and resolved laugh, then gestured to Jeff. "And through you, if you decide to live in the fast lane and ask someone out on a date. There's some great places around here too. You have to remember too, it's not that hard to find someone with just as crazy lifestyle and schedule. All health workers are sort of in the same boat, you know? they'll get it. We also understand very much the good, the bad, and and the ugly of life because we see it every day."
nickthewarbler: (Tongue (Amused))

[personal profile] nickthewarbler 2012-12-22 12:00 pm (UTC)(link)
Nick nodded with a small laugh as he looked down at his small son. "He does. But that doesn't mean now and again I just I wish I had a little bit more freedom so I could hook up and go a round of hot sweaty sex with someone just to relax and have a bit of fun," he confessed outright, not really beating around the bush anymore. This was Jeff, and they had been close friends for years before they lost touch. They had told each other everything, gone through a lot of personal things together. He figured the awkward of the reuniting could be put to rest now. He missed having his best friend. Blaine was that, but Blaine was more like a brother to him these days and even then, he had a mental schedule himself and had been overseas, closely followed by falling seriously sick with malaria. It had been a really long time since Nick just talked to anyone, confided in them. He usually just shoved it all to the back and got on with things. Then he met Jeff's gaze with a laugh, way his hand with a tired shake of his head. "Don't worry, I'm not going to pounce on you and tear your clothes off to drag you to bed and have my wicked way with you, even if we both are into dudes. Plus, I have a safety net with Blaine that if neither of us are hooked up on my 40th birthday, he'll give me a blow job so it's not like I'll go forever without another self-induced orgasm right?" He was joking, of course, because there was no way Blaine wouldn't be with someone then but it was all kind of depressing to think about.

He fell quiet then, the joke probably making him feel a little more awkward than he intended it to. He just let that sit with him for a moment or two before he was ready to shove it aside again like he always did. "It's just a matter of in the past, you thought if you grew up, got a job, it would be with mind to eventually support your family and children. Provide for them. Which is exactly what I'm doing. But this isn't how I envisaged it. I envisaged it with a partner too, not all on my own. That's the hard part. But take it from me, dude, you haven't got a single thing holding you back from any dating. You're hot, you're free, you've got a good job, no major debts. Just live and enjoy. Get out there and find someone to share it with. No one is going to hand it to you."
nickthewarbler: (Calm (Watching))

[personal profile] nickthewarbler 2013-01-05 09:41 am (UTC)(link)
Rory was getting into that sleepy zone. As he was listening to Jeff talk, he could see his son's eyes getting heavy and he had no real interest in his toys. It was almost like clockwork that Rory soon shifted and put his little head down onto the blanket beneath him with his arm hugged around a stuffed rabbit, and dozed off. He was a good little sleeper when he wanted to be and could drop off anywhere. It was one little luxury as a single dad Nick had, though that didn't mean Rory always slept on command. He had his nights were he just wouldn't sleep and that meant Nick was up with him too. But with the teething, he was worn out and run down, so he was dropping off with no real routine right now. Nick could leave him a few more minutes until he slept more deeply and then pick him up to transfer him to the cot in his room.

It was after Jeff got to his point about Nick just getting a sitter so he could go out and get laid that Nick's dark eyes turned to gaze at Jeff. The look lingered for a little longer than normal and then he just cleared his throat softly with a small shake of his head. "That's not really my style. Palming my kid off to a sitter so I can get my dick out. It wouldn't feel right. Besides, hook-ups with random faceless dick in general just doesn't sit well in my gut now that I'm a dad. I don't even know why. I can't explain it." He paused with a small snort of a laugh. "No, you're plenty hot," was all he added to that, his tone blatantly serious as he held Jeff's gaze. What the hell was his mind doing to him here. There was no way he and Jeff could have a hook-up. It would make things weird and awkward... right? They might have been BFFs in school, but Nick hadn't know Jeff batted for that team back then, and he had a kid now. Things were different. He was sure there were Hollywood movies with plots like this that ended up always blowing up in the characters' faces. He didn't need sex that much... or at all. So, it was stupid for his brain to even be thinking along these lines. It wasn't convenient or easy, it was stupid, and he didn't want to make things weird just because they both liked dick. He could live without sex and anything else. He had done it this long.
nickthewarbler: (Calm (Watching))

[personal profile] nickthewarbler 2013-01-28 04:15 am (UTC)(link)
"He's a good sleeper. Sort of like me. I lucked out that way, he just crashes out when he's tired enough and it doesn't matter where he is. You could blast Queen through the speaker system and he probably wouldn't stir. Unless, of course, he's having a Terrible Twos moment and he might literally just not sleep for days on end in the night and sleeps like a log for the sitter during the day. Those are the times I'll look something akin to a bad extra on Night of the Living Dead. The teething can sort of take him either way. If I had to pick, I'd prefer him sleeping than awake and in pain," Nick confessed, much like any parent would for their child. His eyes lingered on his son as he spoke until Jeff's voice captured his attention and he was watching him intently again.

Then all a sudden (at least, it felt sudden), Jeff was kissing him and it blew Nick's mind so much that he wasn't entirely convinced he wasn't imagining it. Like, maybe he was so tired his brain lapsed into a power nap or something and this was a weird micro-dream. Which made no sense, because even if it was a dream, it was still a dream about Jeff kissing him, and that was weird, right? Jesus, it had to be weird, but why was it feeling so right? It took Nick's brain a few moments to actually catch up with the reality and he knew then that he really had no choice but to kiss back. It was the first kiss other than from Rory that he had received in a long time, and this wasn't even in the same realm as drooly two year old kisses all over his face. Which was probably a good thing. Jeff was a good kisser. An amazing kisser, actually, but that inevitable kick of uncertainty and almost borderline guilt that he should only be thinking about Rory got him in the gut and he pulled back, breathless.

He touched his lips and cleared his throat, pointing down at his son. "I should... should, um, just get him into bed before..." Before? Before what, Nick? If Rory was in bed in his room, maybe Nick would feel a little less nervy about the whole thing. He could put the baby monitor on and he would know if Rory woke up, so that would be fine. Still, he scooped his sleeping son up into his arms and carried him through to his room to put him down to sleep. His mind was racing a mile a minute while he went through the motions and turned the monitor on. He drew a deep breath and let it out in a rush when he grabbed up the portable side of the monitor and then stepped back out into the hall, finding Jeff hovering there uncertainly like he wasn't sure if he had just gotten rejected or what. Nick wet his lips and glanced at the door of his bedroom across the hall. "J-Just say we do... whatever... it won't make anything weird between us, will it?"
nickthewarbler: (Eyes (Close))

[personal profile] nickthewarbler 2013-02-02 11:25 am (UTC)(link)
Nick looked down at the baby monitor, making sure it was switched on and the lights were green. They went red when the battery was getting low, and really, he was just buying himself some time to try and figure out what the hell his head and heart were doing here, and whether they were actually on the same page. If we were honest with himself, it wasn't so much the physical act of having sex with Jeff that was making him hesitate. It was the fact that he was worried they did, that more feelings might start to ignite there, and especially in the wake of the kiss they just shared out of the blue. Nick was so lonely, what if he found himself falling for Jeff and it all got messy and awkward? Not that it sort of wasn't already. He was a single dad, and that was always the wider reaching factor in anything he did. But the place there to even start before anything happened was that Jeff seemed to like Rory, and Rory seemed okay with him in return and that just... never happened. For one, it was rare Nick let many people close enough to Rory to test it out, and for two, Rory wasn't easily comfortable with people he didn't know, yet here he had been completely comfortable in Jeff's presence and even happily being nursed by him for an extended period of time. Was he okay with this? The answer really was... there was no clear answer. "Just sex..." he murmured, listening to the words out loud and testing how they felt. But he cleared his throat and uncertainly met Jeff's gaze. "I don't think I just want sex," he admitted cautiously.

And then it was out there and he couldn't take it back. He didn't want to either, even if his stomach was flip-flopping nervously at just his confession. He had to elaborate, because just leaving it like that was pretty heavy and full-on. "I just don't... can't... do the one night thing. I know I can't. If I do something... anything, it's got to mean something. It's got to be... be..." He waved the baby monitor a little, fishing around for the right words he was looking to cover what was going on, even if it was a bit of a confused mess. "A possible exploration of more than just one night." Did that even make sense? He had no fucking idea anymore. What the hell was he trying to say? If he slept with Jeff, he didn't want it to just be a random fuck. If he slept with Jeff, he knew it was going to do things to him that he wouldn't have control over. He didn't know how he knew, but he just did.
nickthewarbler: (Calm (Watching))

[personal profile] nickthewarbler 2013-02-24 12:14 pm (UTC)(link)
Nick knew that if he stopped and let himself think too much on any of this, he would overthink it and talk himself out of it, like he did with any possible risk since he had been cheated on and became a single dad. He protected his heart under lock and key and got anxious or worried about any situation that might get him hurt or hurt Rory. He always talked himself out of everything. It wasn't like he was awful to look at and he was a nice guy, but every offer of a date he got, he turned them all down. He didn't go to work parties, he didn't even make random eye contact with people when he was out with Rory in case he got disapproving looks, or worse, lurid looks. He played on the safe side all the damn time these days, and as a result, he was lonely and his life revolved around parenting and work. He never complained, but right now, with Jeff here, he was really wondering if this was going to hurt him or help him. Jeff was a comfort zone. He was the closest friend Nick had ever had, even if they had lost touch. Sure, he hadn't known back then that Jeff was into guys on any level so it hadn't crossed his mind to be into him but now he was maybe realising that perhaps they were close because they had a deeper connection than most friends. A connection that was still very much there and was pushing to the forefront as sexual attraction now. Fuck, it had been a really long time since Nick had sex. What if he didn't know what to do?

No, no... he had to stop overthinking everything or he would back out. Rory was asleep, he was safe. He was teething, but he was still settled enough to sleep without stirring, and Nick had the baby monitor if that changed. Then you had Blaine who had taken a leap of faith and slept with Kurt, laying his heart on the line there, even if the situation was very uncertain there too. Maybe Nick should take a leaf out of his old friend's book here? He didn't have answers to Jeff's questions. He hadn't really known a lot back then that he was into guys, so it was hard to say if they would have developed into more. But they did have the hear and now, and maybe they should just take each moment as it came?

He wet his lips and nodded, pulling Jeff closer with his hand into his bedroom. "Come on then," he murmured. Hell, if he needed to overthink it, he could do that afterwards, right?