"Do I remind you of somewhere you wanna be, so far out of reach?"

[warble_on_jeff]

Who? Nick Matheson and Jeff Hinton (with Rory Matheson)
What? "Oh, I wish you'd open up for me, cause I wanna know you..."
When? Late Sunday night
Where? Nick and Rory's apartment

It had been a hell of a long shift for Jeff. One of those stupid nights when everything that could go wrong did, short of, thank God, losing a patient. He'd been about to shower and change when his pager had buzzed. They were shorthanded in the OR on an emergency surgery, and they needed him to come help out. Jeff figured he had nothing better to do, other than go home and sleep, so he headed right back into surgery to lend a hand.

What he hadn't anticipated was the doctor running into complications, though he wasn't sure why. Surgeries always seemed to go off without a hitch in the middle of his shift, and then hit every complication in the book when it was time for him to leave. The patient had made it, though, and Jeff had quickly caught a shower and changed, fully intending to go home and sleep for a day and a half or something, since he was about to start his off days. But when he decided to check Facebook before walking out the door to his car, Jeff noticed the post from Nick, timestamped only a few minutes earlier. He wasn't sure why, but he'd somehow ended up planning to head over to Nick's, and it was probably for the best, given that Nick's place was closer to the hospital than his own, and he was fucking exhausted.

He followed his GPS's directions to the apartment complex where Nick lived, and parked his silver Civic, climbing out of the car and walking toward Nick's building. He couldn't deny that it was nice to have his former best friend so close again. He found himself really hoping that he and Nick would have a chance to rebuild what they'd lost over the years, and work things out again. No matter how good things were, Jeff couldn't deny that it had always felt like a piece of him was missing without Nick in his life for the past several years. Maybe this would finally be his chance to regain that.

When he got to Nick's door, he could hear his friend's son through the door, obviously feeling quite miserable. Jeff felt for the kid, and for his dad, and he hoped like hell it didn't make anything worse when he knocked gently. "Nicky, it's me," he called out through the door, hoping he wasn't being too loud.

Comments

[warble_on_jeff]

Jeff had been watching Rory, too, and he had to smile just a little, before shaking his head. "Poor little guy's beat," he observed quietly. "I don't think I've ever seen a kid just kick out like that, though. He really must be a sleepy little one. Teething looks like hard work." He knew Rory was miserable, and he hated it for the little guy. It was an unfamiliar feeling that he wasn't sure he could really put his finger on. He was always concerned with those things when it was one of his patients, and especially if said patient was a child, but this wasn't like a patient. This was Nick's child. The flesh and blood of the best friend Jeff had ever had, barring no one. And that meant something, but Jeff wasn't even sure what yet.

"I didn't really think it would be your thing," Jeff replied. "I mean... You always kinda seemed like you'd want sex to be something special. I don't know, though, you may have been another Brian Kinney before you got with Rory's mom. It's been ages since I've seen you. But that just... doesn't seem like something that's changed with you." Jeff didn't know what was happening, but Nick's eyes were holding his as he spoke, and he just couldn't look away. There was an almost awkward feeling hanging between them, but Jeff wasn't sure it was even that. Awkward didn't seem like the right word. But it was definitely something, and it only increased when Nick reiterated his statement that Jeff was hot. Only it really didn't sound like a joke, and Jeff wasn't sure how to take it. It was just... quiet, and they were both staring at each other, and Jeff wasn't sure why there was an overwhelming urge in him all of a sudden just to kiss Nick... well, maybe not *just* kiss him, but that would definitely be a start and... what the fuck was he thinking? Nick's two year old son was sleeping on the floor right in front of them. It wasn't right to mack on a little kids dad right in front of them, was it? Even if Rory was asleep... Right? He couldn't do that. Could he? Of course... maybe one kiss wouldn't hurt? Maybe? In the midst of all the back and forth in his mind, Nick was still looking at him and Jeff felt like he had to do something. So maybe it was ADHD, and maybe it was just what he needed to do, but he leaned closer to Nick and pressed a kiss to the other man's lips -- soft and questioning, but very much a kiss -- and waited to see what might come next.

[nickthewarbler]

"He's a good sleeper. Sort of like me. I lucked out that way, he just crashes out when he's tired enough and it doesn't matter where he is. You could blast Queen through the speaker system and he probably wouldn't stir. Unless, of course, he's having a Terrible Twos moment and he might literally just not sleep for days on end in the night and sleeps like a log for the sitter during the day. Those are the times I'll look something akin to a bad extra on Night of the Living Dead. The teething can sort of take him either way. If I had to pick, I'd prefer him sleeping than awake and in pain," Nick confessed, much like any parent would for their child. His eyes lingered on his son as he spoke until Jeff's voice captured his attention and he was watching him intently again.

Then all a sudden (at least, it felt sudden), Jeff was kissing him and it blew Nick's mind so much that he wasn't entirely convinced he wasn't imagining it. Like, maybe he was so tired his brain lapsed into a power nap or something and this was a weird micro-dream. Which made no sense, because even if it was a dream, it was still a dream about Jeff kissing him, and that was weird, right? Jesus, it had to be weird, but why was it feeling so right? It took Nick's brain a few moments to actually catch up with the reality and he knew then that he really had no choice but to kiss back. It was the first kiss other than from Rory that he had received in a long time, and this wasn't even in the same realm as drooly two year old kisses all over his face. Which was probably a good thing. Jeff was a good kisser. An amazing kisser, actually, but that inevitable kick of uncertainty and almost borderline guilt that he should only be thinking about Rory got him in the gut and he pulled back, breathless.

He touched his lips and cleared his throat, pointing down at his son. "I should... should, um, just get him into bed before..." Before? Before what, Nick? If Rory was in bed in his room, maybe Nick would feel a little less nervy about the whole thing. He could put the baby monitor on and he would know if Rory woke up, so that would be fine. Still, he scooped his sleeping son up into his arms and carried him through to his room to put him down to sleep. His mind was racing a mile a minute while he went through the motions and turned the monitor on. He drew a deep breath and let it out in a rush when he grabbed up the portable side of the monitor and then stepped back out into the hall, finding Jeff hovering there uncertainly like he wasn't sure if he had just gotten rejected or what. Nick wet his lips and glanced at the door of his bedroom across the hall. "J-Just say we do... whatever... it won't make anything weird between us, will it?"

[warble_on_jeff]

When Nick's lips weren't pressed to his anymore, Jeff found himself wondering just what the fuck this meant, in the midst of hoping like hell that he hadn't just managed to make all the things ever awkward between them. Nick was definitely an incredible kisser, too... One of the best that Jeff had ever kissed, and there was just the slightest whimper of protest from Jeff when Nick pulled away. He understood, though. Or at least, he hoped he did. There was kind of a sleeping two year old right there on the floor, and they couldn't just leave him there and get lost and wrapped up in each other. Rory needed his bed, and Jeff knew that. He just didn't know what the hell was coming at him from Nick's side of things at all. He couldn't read the situation in the haze of having just macked on his former best friend hardcore.

The next thing Jeff knew, Nick was carrying Rory's tiny sleeping form down the hallway, and Jeff was wondering if he'd managed to fuck this whole thing up, and right after just having found Nick again, too. He was doing that mental thing, beating himself up for such a stupid fuck up, and trying to figure out how he could've been so stupid, when Nick came out into the hall again. And he was asking a question that Jeff hadn't been expecting at all. "No..." he replied carefully. "Nothing will be weird on my end of things. What about you? Is this... Are you okay with this, Nicky?" It occurred to Jeff as he spoke that he hadn't actually asked Nick about sex or fooling around. Had Nick just assumed that was what he wanted? He definitely didn't want the other guy to think that. Jeff was raised to be a gentleman -- if a very hyper and bouncy one most of the time when he wasn't utterly exhausted from his shift -- and he was taught by both parents from the time he knew what sex was that it was never something you were supposed to just assume was on the table.

Or was it not that Nick assumed Jeff was trying to get in his pants? Could it be that sex was very much what Nick wanted? Jeff had no qualms whatsoever about sleeping with the other guy. He was hot, no doubt about it. And he was some someone that Jeff had always trusted, and yes, loved. Granted back then, the love that he'd felt for Nick had never been on the level of romantic or sexual in any way. Not because Nick wasn't beautiful, but because Jeff hadn't come into his sexuality yet. For that matter, he hadn't really even been thinking on the wavelength that other guys were, as far as sex and love and all that stuff went. "Nicky, I... I swear that whatever happens, you and I will still be okay. I'll make sure of it."

[nickthewarbler]

Nick looked down at the baby monitor, making sure it was switched on and the lights were green. They went red when the battery was getting low, and really, he was just buying himself some time to try and figure out what the hell his head and heart were doing here, and whether they were actually on the same page. If we were honest with himself, it wasn't so much the physical act of having sex with Jeff that was making him hesitate. It was the fact that he was worried they did, that more feelings might start to ignite there, and especially in the wake of the kiss they just shared out of the blue. Nick was so lonely, what if he found himself falling for Jeff and it all got messy and awkward? Not that it sort of wasn't already. He was a single dad, and that was always the wider reaching factor in anything he did. But the place there to even start before anything happened was that Jeff seemed to like Rory, and Rory seemed okay with him in return and that just... never happened. For one, it was rare Nick let many people close enough to Rory to test it out, and for two, Rory wasn't easily comfortable with people he didn't know, yet here he had been completely comfortable in Jeff's presence and even happily being nursed by him for an extended period of time. Was he okay with this? The answer really was... there was no clear answer. "Just sex..." he murmured, listening to the words out loud and testing how they felt. But he cleared his throat and uncertainly met Jeff's gaze. "I don't think I just want sex," he admitted cautiously.

And then it was out there and he couldn't take it back. He didn't want to either, even if his stomach was flip-flopping nervously at just his confession. He had to elaborate, because just leaving it like that was pretty heavy and full-on. "I just don't... can't... do the one night thing. I know I can't. If I do something... anything, it's got to mean something. It's got to be... be..." He waved the baby monitor a little, fishing around for the right words he was looking to cover what was going on, even if it was a bit of a confused mess. "A possible exploration of more than just one night." Did that even make sense? He had no fucking idea anymore. What the hell was he trying to say? If he slept with Jeff, he didn't want it to just be a random fuck. If he slept with Jeff, he knew it was going to do things to him that he wouldn't have control over. He didn't know how he knew, but he just did.

[warble_on_jeff]

Jeff had to be honest with himself when he admitted, if only in his mind, that he didn't just want sex either. Of course he wanted sex, and of course he wanted it with Nick. There was no reason not to. Nick was a great guy, an amazing friend, sexy as hell, and a kickass kisser to boot. There was nothing to have qualms about there. Nothing at all. But Nick was opening up here, giving Jeff a very real, and very serious confession that Jeff had to take seriously. There was no joking going on right now. There was a very real possibility that they were about to have sex, but not if it was just sex. A casual fuck wasn't even on the table here, and Jeff realized fully how heavy that was. His dark eyes rested on Nick as the other man seemed to struggle for just a minute before explaining further. This couldn't just be a random fuck. It wasn't even an option, and when Nick spoke, Jeff couldn't help agreeing wholeheartedly. All that talk earlier about finding someone to cuddle with on the bad days... Someone to love and have with him through the good times and the bad ones... maybe his mind was running away with him here, and there was so much on the table with it all to think about, but he could imagine himself having those things with Nick. He didn't believe for a minute that it was the horny side of him running away. He'd fucked hot guys before, even hot guys he cared about, but it had never really felt like this to him on any level.

He took a step to put himself closer to Nick, and reached out to take the hand that wasn't holding the baby monitor. "Nicky... I know. And I don't... I don't just want to fuck you, either. I've... We've cared about each other for a long time. And we missed some time... a lot of time, really. But I never stopped caring. I... I couldn't help wondering when I found out you liked guys, too, if... If we'd stayed in touch, maybe would something have happened with us? So we'd end up together? I don't know. I know we can't really know that for sure because it's not how things went. But Nicky, I do care about you. And if we sleep together, I swear to you, I won't just be fucking you. I'm open to whatever might happen next. As long as what happens next isn't us being weird and never talking again." His hand squeezed Nick's tight. "I'm willing to try this, though. Are you? Because if you're not, I'll understand. Sleeping together was never a given for me anyway."

[nickthewarbler]

Nick knew that if he stopped and let himself think too much on any of this, he would overthink it and talk himself out of it, like he did with any possible risk since he had been cheated on and became a single dad. He protected his heart under lock and key and got anxious or worried about any situation that might get him hurt or hurt Rory. He always talked himself out of everything. It wasn't like he was awful to look at and he was a nice guy, but every offer of a date he got, he turned them all down. He didn't go to work parties, he didn't even make random eye contact with people when he was out with Rory in case he got disapproving looks, or worse, lurid looks. He played on the safe side all the damn time these days, and as a result, he was lonely and his life revolved around parenting and work. He never complained, but right now, with Jeff here, he was really wondering if this was going to hurt him or help him. Jeff was a comfort zone. He was the closest friend Nick had ever had, even if they had lost touch. Sure, he hadn't known back then that Jeff was into guys on any level so it hadn't crossed his mind to be into him but now he was maybe realising that perhaps they were close because they had a deeper connection than most friends. A connection that was still very much there and was pushing to the forefront as sexual attraction now. Fuck, it had been a really long time since Nick had sex. What if he didn't know what to do?

No, no... he had to stop overthinking everything or he would back out. Rory was asleep, he was safe. He was teething, but he was still settled enough to sleep without stirring, and Nick had the baby monitor if that changed. Then you had Blaine who had taken a leap of faith and slept with Kurt, laying his heart on the line there, even if the situation was very uncertain there too. Maybe Nick should take a leaf out of his old friend's book here? He didn't have answers to Jeff's questions. He hadn't really known a lot back then that he was into guys, so it was hard to say if they would have developed into more. But they did have the hear and now, and maybe they should just take each moment as it came?

He wet his lips and nodded, pulling Jeff closer with his hand into his bedroom. "Come on then," he murmured. Hell, if he needed to overthink it, he could do that afterwards, right?